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Fat Chance: The FATwater Name Review

By Jed Rendleman

September 9, 2015

Courtesy of Beverage Daily

Lose weight with this one weird trick! Ohio mother discovers instant slimming technique! This superfood has dieters going nuts! Peppering the borders of sites like Yahoo Answers, clickbait like this has just become part of the Internet. We swim by these ads on our way to more legitimate waters, which is why I didn’t pay much attention to FATwater at first. This must be a gimmick, I thought, a ploy to inundate my inbox with emails from Nigerian princes.

Although most dieters are trying to cut fat out of their diet, FATwater is asking consumers to actually drink fat to lose weight. Infused with fat from coconuts, FATwater purports that the oils counterintuitively help to burn fat and suppress appetite, which really seems too good to be true, and in fact is, according to Cardiologist Regina Druz. Not only that, but FATwater claims to taste ‘wetter’ than normal drinking water. Specious health claims aside, FATwater is merely the newest addition to a long line of ‘health waters,’ like Collagen Water, Black Water (no relation to the mercenaries), and, yes, Melted Water.

courtesy of uglydolls.com

Obviously, as a drink that’s supposed to help you lose weight, FATwater’s name is tongue in cheek. But is it supposed to be funny? FATwater is reminiscent of several other ironic names, such as Fathead, a brand of life-sized wall decals, as well as Ugly Dolls or Acne Design. In addition to being another gimmicky health product, FATwater is riding a naming trend of paradoxically named products.

There are several problems with this name that make it fall fat on its face. Anyone who’s taken middle school science or bought salad dressing knows that oil and water don’t mix. I’m willing to accept that the “nano-particles of XCT oil” allow the fat to permanently emulsify with the water, but upon hearing the name it’s pretty hard to expunge the image of a bottled oil spill from my mind. The all caps FAT only furthers this unpalatable image. By using all lowercase letters, the name fatwater could have been elegant, subtly suggesting a slimming effect instead of WWE proportions. Lastly, for a health product that hinges upon the technical explanation that “the oils enhance thermogenesis… and have an appetite-suppression effect,” the name FATwater is remarkably unsophisticated. A name like Lipowater or even just Lipid would convey a sophistication that might give more credence to FATwater’s unfounded claims.

I admire those who take risks, and FATwater is definitely an intrepid product whose name imparts a maverick attitude. If the name had been executed more tastefully we might not be counting down to hear the fat lady sing.

Grade:
C-
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