No, #AwfulCereal was a JOKE meme: you make up the name of a really horrible cereal and post it to make everyone laugh. Additionally, the name should be a play on a current cereal. There’s no laughter in coming up with, say, Dirt Clods for a cereal name, but Puffed Mice (courtesy of the amazing Michael McKean) is hilarious.

I spent 20 minutes scrolling through Twitter to bring you the best of this meme. Enjoy!

And your contributions are welcome!

Throughout this time, its appearance has consistently signaled another plunge into the mysterious and intoxicating world of eleven herbs and spices. Or maybe that mom has thrown in the towel on making dinner (score!).

Yes sir, we are talking about The Bucket.

Everyone knows The Bucket. Hell, people in foreign countries that don’t even have a functioning government know all about The Bucket.

Amazingly, the Bucket has replaced the description of its contents. The container name alone is short hand for crunchy crispy salty goodness.

What other fast food packaging has risen to such shorthand, iconic status? What other package is even remembered? Look at the lame attempts at imitation: the Crawfish Tackle Box (Popeye’s) and the Crave Case (White Castle). Those names seem as temporary, as fleeting as the latest burger wrapper. The Bucket, that name is here to stay.

No need to say, “I’m going to see the Colonel, “ let alone “KFC” or God forbid, “Kentucky Fried Chicken.” Any reference—food, hunger, picnic, snack, dinner, the munchies—combined with “Bucket” and you’ll find an instant friend to ride shotgun just to make sure you return with the prize intact.

The Bucket has even been appropriated as an artistic statement by Buckethead, the enigmatic guitar god. Sure, he claims the bucket is an ironic protest against the slaughter of chickens but dude can shred. Besides, no performer is sporting a Whopper wrapper on stage are they? Thought so.

As if we needed more proof, The Bucket has its own Facebook page. Not as part of KFC, its own damn self.

Go Bucket, Go.

You know how people often go to the store to buy good old-fashioned dairy milk, and then buy this stuff called “soy milk” figuring it’s the same thing? Milk is milk, right? Yeah, I’d never heard of that happening either. But that’s exactly what the National Milk Producer’s Federation is alleging in their new campaign.

The NMPF has petitioned the FDA to crack down on the use of the term “milk” for anything that does not come from a cow or farm animal. “The FDA has allowed the meaning of “milk” to be watered down [haha!] to the point where many products that use the term have never seen the inside of a barn,” the group’s president and CEO Jerry Kozak said.

Side note: Ummm…. Is that irony, or do they not know that most milk cows have never actually seen the inside of a traditional barn? Most dairy cows are raised on massive dairy farms where they are hooked up to machines that suck their udders dry. Or perhaps the next step is redefine the term “barn.”

The NMPF petition aims to prevent the use of the term “milk” for products made from hemp, rice, almonds, and other plants. And let’s not overlook their additional crusading goal: to prevent the non-dairy confusion surrounding yogurts made from soybeans and rice; and cheeses made from soy, rice, and nuts.

Are you kidding me? Most of the middle- to upper-middle class folks who chug soy milk and nosh on soy cheese buy those products specifically because they aren’t dairy-based! And, a huge additional portion of that market buys these substitutes because of that annoying lactose-gremlin found within dairy milk.

I can’t imagine that the FDA, especially under Obama’s watch, will concede this point. Shouldn’t the NMPF be required to submit some actual data about consumer activity and confusion besides simply submitting a petition that cites decreased dairy sales and the made-up allegation of purchase confusion in stores? Not to mention the consumers. They should get a say in what gets called “milk” too.

If the FDA somehow gets their heads stuck up a dairy cow’s butt and acts on this petition, just how far will it go? We already know that Nestlé sued Muscle Milk, the popular workout protein supplement drink, to prevent them from using the term “milk” for a drink that has no dairy in it. If the FDA approves this petition, will Nestlé have precedent on its side and be able to send Muscle Milk to the glue factory?

And what about a mother’s breast milk? That’s not technically “dairy.” Will the FDA regulate the use of the term “milk” such that mothers can no longer refer to feeding their babies breast milk? Perhaps mommies can just say they breast feed their babies with mommy juice. But then, I suppose the American Juice Association will probably just object to that one.

By now you’ve likely heard all about KFC’s newest monstrosity masquerading as a sandwich. The Double Down is composed of two chicken breasts as the outer “bread,” and bacon, cheese, and sauce as the middle filling. There are plenty of reviews of the actual sandwich and its insane composition. But, as your friendly naming experts, we wanted to review the product name itself, Double Down.

“Double down” is a blackjack term. The use of a gambling term had us a bit perplexed. What is the customer – or KFC – gambling on? Given that this is a highly unusual product, does KFC want to underscore the notion that their customers are taking a risk by trying something so new and different? On the other hand, in blackjack you typically double down when you’re confident that you have a good hand. So, there is something bold about the sandwich that works with the confident betting message.

Of course, the customer is also gambling with their heart health. The Double Down has 60% of your recommended daily intake of sodium, 50% RDI of fat, and is 25% of a day’s caloric intake (on a normal 2,000 calorie-a-day diet). Why wouldn’t you just slurp on a lard slushie instead? Maybe an appropriate tagline for the sandwich should be: Double Down on a Triple Bypass!

While the gambling metaphor is a mixed bag, the use of “double” was a wise choice. It quickly describes the form factor (two chicken breasts). What we don’t understand is why they chose to use “down” instead of “up.” While “down” typically has negative connotations, “up” has positive, uplifting meanings. And, because of the negative gambling meaning of double down, we wonder whether they considered using the more upbeat “Double Up” instead. Of course, perhaps they didn’t want to underscore the massive quantities of calories, fat, and sodium in the sandwich. (Given that their landing page lists these nutritional values front and center, I doubt this was too much of a concern.)

Another feather in Double Down’s cap is the alliteration of the two initial “d+vowel” sounds. Alliteration is always a good tool to use in a name. PayPal is a classic example of fantastic alliteration in a name. Creative and smart use of alliteration makes a product name or company name more fun to say, easier to remember, and more likely to be passed on to friends through word of mouth.

While negative reviews of the product abound, we’re left feeling that the Double Down name was a wise product name choice. The risky gambling connotations fit nicely with the critical reviews KFC surely knew would accompany the launch of a fat-laden meat glob. In addition to the edginess, the alliteration and the metaphorical allusion to the form factor make Double Down a perfect product name for this attention-grabbing heart stopper.

I almost didn’t believe that this was a real Burger King commercial. I thought maybe McDonald’s was lampooning BK. But no, it really is a Burger King commercial. What’s amazing is that this ad depicts their royal leader (the King) breaking and entering, stealing ideas from the market leader (McDonald’s), and then saying that BK is the same but cheaper.

Hmmm… Is this a good strategy for BK to adopt? Should they just be coming right out and admitting, “Hey, McDonald’s is the leader, the innovator, the premium choice. We’re just going to do what they do but cheaper.” I suppose that’s one way you could play the game. It seems a little incongruous for a “king” to be trying to own the “cheap” brand positioning. Not to mention that they’re relegating their brand to being simply a copycat brand. That doesn’t make me want to rush right out and place an order at Burger King.

Something to consider: McDonald’s has global annual sales of $23 billion while Burger King only squeaks out a measly $2.5 billion. Maybe in light of those statistics, it is best for BK to admit defeat and own the cheap knock-off copycat position in the market.

What do you think?

Meanwhile , UK microbrewers BrewDog crossed the same line with their enhanced beer called, charmingly, Speedball. Speedballs, for those of you who don’t watch Law & Order, are an often-lethal combination of heroin and cocaine. This beer doesn’t contain either illegal drug, but does have a healthy does of guarana, Californian poppy, kola nut, and Scottish heather honey*. According to their website, the ingredients all balance out:

This light chestnut, slow motion roller coaster of a beer perfectly balances out a vicious cocktail of active ingredients, who said equilibrium has to be boring?
Combined in the bottle are the natural stimulants guarana and kola nuts with natural depressants Californian poppy and hops, all blurred together by the audacity of Scottish heather honey.

I don’t know – guarana is a pretty strong stimulant, as I previously discussed in relation to 7-Eleven’s Fusion coffee. High-energy drunks – just what we need!

According to the Daily Mail, Speedball, like Cocaine before it, got pulled from the shelves:

BrewDog, which makes the 7.1 per cent beer, was yesterday accused by a drinks’ industry regulator, the Portman Group, of ‘profiteering from the scourge of illegal drugs’.

‘The blurring of alcohol and illicit drugs fosters unhealthy attitudes to drinking and trivialises drug misuse,’ said the group’s chief executive, David Poley.

‘The company is seriously misguided in its claim to be educating and preventing people from misusing drugs. We are taking urgent action to protect the public from exposure to such negligent marketing.’

At BrewDog’s website, Speedball is listed as “out of stock”. Well, at least you can get their other beers, like Hop Rocker, The Physics, Punk IPA, Hardcore IPA, Rip Tide, and Paradox.

I think it’s unlikely that anyone would expect Speedball to have actual coke or heroin in it – consumers are savvy enough to know a marketing ploy when they see one, especially when this kind of shock product naming is common for energy drinks and alcohol. One wonders where they’ll go next to get the market’s attention. Catchword has always recommended that companies use code names for their products that are so off-the-wall that they’d never make it to market – like cheese, or fish, or maybe surgical procedures or infectious diseases. Could we see a new beer on the market called Dogfish, or perhaps Hepatitis?

*This sounds horrible-tasting to me.

Ah, to be a fly on the wall at the morning roundtable at The Onion: “How did we get scooped on this?!”

Wow. This could go down in the annals of name development. I mean, plenty of naming consultants can brag about naming a company or naming a new product, but can any of us lay claim to naming a whole animal group? Heck, I’m not sure there are even any scientists who could make that claim. If PETA can pull this name change off, they would really be in a class all by themselves. Again. Still.

A few questions come immediately to mind:

1) Are all fish sea kittens, or just the baby fish? “Sea Cats” don’t sound nearly as warm and cuddly. And I’ve already met a few sea lions — they definitely have some bite in their bark.

2) Once we rename fish, are we expected to tackle cows, pigs, and chickens? Maybe they all fall under the new moniker “Farm Kittens”. Do vegetables become “Soil Kittens”? More thought needed on this topic.

3) How do “real” kittens feel about all this? Did PETA bother to ask them about the emotional ramifications of all these new “siblings” joining the family? Talk about some strange in-laws.

4) And while we’re on the subject, don’t “land kittens” like to eat “sea kittens”? Does this renaming exercise turn all felines into cannibals?

Hats off to PETA for tackling such an enormous renaming opportunity. I know I, for one, will be checking the PETA site more often for reports on future naming initiatives. Who knows, maybe they might even have room for a pitiful “normal” naming consultant like me. I know I’ve only named a few dozen companies, but I could name a new animal group, I swear!

FUSION! it practically screamed at me. OK, I figured, it’s some kind of bean blend – that sounds good. I sniffed it to make sure there was no chocolate in it (I’m allergic). I poured a big cup, added my normal pint of half and half, and was out the door. One hour later I was amped beyond belief and only then did I decided to find out what was in that coffee:

Their Exclusive Blend coffee is infused with all-natural herbs including guaraná, ginseng, and yerba maté, which they believe will boost your energy and sharpen mental alertness.

YES IT DOES ALL THOSE THINGS AND ADDITIONALLY MAKES YOUR HANDS SHAKE WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING!

I was not aware of this trend in fortified coffee. Since ephedrine became a controlled substance, it seems like the beverage industry is constantly developing new and innovative ways to deliver metabolism boosters in every kind of drink (including Stampede Beer, which we had the pleasure of naming). Cocaine is a highly caffeinated energy drink distributed by Redux Beverages. It contains three and a half times the caffeine of a more popular energy drink, Red Bull Aside from caffeine the label boasts 750 milligrams of taurine, another common ingredient found in many energy drinks, as well as guaraná (also in Fusion). Cocaine got pulled from US shelves in 2007 because the FDA decided that Redux was “illegally marketing their drink as an alternative to street drugs”. After a brief name change to “No Name”, Redux decided to go back to the Cocaine name. I’m not sure how they’re getting away with it now.

Fusion tasted OK, but not great. While looking online for a gift for my coffee-obsessed boyfriend, I came across this totally-illegal looking brand: Meth Coffee. I wonder if the FDA will have something to say about this.

It’s interesting that the same concept gets executed in such different ways. 7-Eleven chose to go with a name so abstract that despite the word “energy” on the handle, I didn’t realize it was amphetamine-flavored coffee, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. “Fusion” sounds so smooth and sophisticated, with a little bit of technology behind it. Meth, on the other hand, is in-your-face direct and practically dares you to drink some and sit still. I suppose it’s a comment on the culture that “meth” is the well-known slang for “methamphetamine”.

I also saw something called Muscle Milk when I was at 7-Eleven. I was too scared to buy any.

Sierra Schlesinger smiles easily while selling two pounds of shelling beans at the farmers’ market in Berkeley, California. “People know us as the dirty girls – even Joe (the farmer) gets tagged as one although he bristles a little at that….They remember us,” she says. The farm gets its name from the original owners, two women who tried to call it Fan Tan Farm in 1995. Local farmers nicknamed them the “dirty girls” and the name stuck. Today Dirty Girl Produce and its Early Girl dry-farmed tomatoes have become legendary in the San Francisco Bay Area and beyond. “Sometimes people don’t even bother to look at the signs,” says Dirty Girl worker Steve Wright, “but they know what they’re looking for and ask you: ‘Are these the Dirty Girl tomatoes?’”

The recent movement to eat local and organic has people thinking a lot more about where their food is coming from and how it’s grown. And distinct, creative farm names help smaller farms differentiate their produce from that of their industrial agribusiness competitors (whose produce usually isn’t labeled in the supermarket). Agricultural brand naming also makes it easier for consumers to feel connected on a personal level with the people who grow their food, “putting a face” on what’s often seen merely as a commodity.

Bay Area farmers’ markets are a heaven of fruits and vegetables in summer, showcasing a kaleidoscope of luscious produce from farms along the state’s central coast. A walk down the line reveals some of the farms’ intriguing brand names: Ella Bella (named after the owner’s daughter, Ella), Full Belly (need we say more?), Blossom Bluff, Gospel Flat. And while the names may be branding products that are worlds away from commercialized big business, they follow principles of brand name creation that are familiar to those of us from professional naming firms. Unique company names like Frog Hollow Farm, (whose yellow peaches are indescribably delicious) and Flying Disc Ranch (where the fresh, soft dates are more delectable than fine caramel) suggest superior produce, grown with great care. They draw you in for a taste and make it easy to remember the brand later.

Such company names also pique your curiosity and make you want to know more about the farms themselves. And the farms are enthusiastic about sharing. The family that owns Gospel Flat Farm-named after the four churches that once stood on the property-regularly invites students from the nearby middle school to see sustainable agriculture in action. (Here the farm looks more like an enormous garden than an actual commercial farm, with organic crops thriving next to rows of flowers.)

Bottom line? People remember engaging names and when the produce is consistently good, they develop a fervent loyalty to those farm brands.